Why Incremental change F* You
also BIG WEBSITE ANNOUNCEMENT; love; 2E bullshit, abolitionist inclusion, "avenue" and more
In this issue…
Taking an abolitionist approach to inclusion... Any ideas? (Mar 27)
Watching your behavior to eliminate autism in your child (Mar 27)
Big announcement… Raising Free Autistic People website!!!
We did it!!!! We branded and launched our (barebones) website, Raising Free Autistic People, to support autistic kids who don't fit into the dominant autistic conversation paradigms - non-speakers, those with IDD, etc. This is a slow labor of love made by autistic advocates, therapists, non-speakers, and caregivers, sharing years and in some cases lifetime of our experience.
Right now it has almost nothing in it! Just a non-speech-centric-section on gestalt language processing. And it may end up with Typer Tremblings non-speaker library, so that's in there right now but incomplete. Soon we hope to include a Plain Language version of the Gestalt Language Processing section.
You can see what it will look like, see the fully fleshed out Gestalt Language Processing section, and sign up to get updates via e-mail.
The About Us page is complete with more about this, who it's for, and who made it.
So much love in the world (Mar 20)
Today A- got this in the mail as a gift from Swarit Gopalan - My truisms unfiltered and it made me cry. The card, for A-, is magic. (I’m not sharing it out of privacy).
Last week someone else who I’ve never met, but is a friend on the Internet sent me a painting she made of A- playing with a long blue bus.
A couple of months ago, a few non speakers sent over words of advice and love for A- so I can make a Pictello of letters to A- from his future mentors.
I’m in awe of how much love there is in the world, and love for A-.
Avenue in professional settings (Mar 21)
The amount of times I'm trying to write an email or Slack msg for work (from home) and I accidentally type "Avenue" into the middle of my sentence…
(For those who don't have a similar kiddo - while at home, A- often says a word to me, happily, and I repeat it to him. So whatever I'm doing is punctuated by "Good one!" "Avenue!" "Next stop!")
Modeling keyboard use, in big (Mar 21)
It took about 4 months, but we finally mounted a TV screen on our wall. The next step is to connect an iPad to it and then we got a Bluetooth keyboard to start being able to model typing in a way where the cause and effect is highly visible! We plan to hold the keyboard “Vanna white style” as our SLP says. And hope the physical keyboard may be easier to access than a screen keyboard for A-.
Don’t panic (ha!). Do plan (Mar 22)
In my local "special kids" community there's this one prominent lawyer many people who can afford to use to the sue the DOE, to get private school for their kids, etc. And I guess she recently put out some statement about not panicking, and everyone's kids will be fine, and they can still go to their private school, because it's up to the states not federal, yadda yadda yadda.
I won't say the reasons I totally disagree with her, BUT I did reply and said that unless she has lived through authoritarian rule (which she may have!), she has no more expertise on this than any of the rest of us. Her guess - which is based on a trust that democracy is still in place, that our elected officials do the right thing, and that states can still afford to proceed with business as usual - is just a guess.
What struck me is that she's talking to parents who for years, or decades, have been told that they know nothing about how to raise their kids. That their kids know nothing about what they need. That the experts - the lawyers, therapists and schools - all know everything, and without them, the parents are simply a useless shell.
And now those experts - the only people who know anything about their kids - are being threatened to be taken away. Are likely to be taken away. And that must be beyond terrifying. And even in this moment when the writing's on the wall, if you've been turned into a shell then you can't even read that writing and you need another expert to tell you it will all be ok. Until that expert is gone too.
Me, and a couple of others, said that while you shouldn't panic and you should remain hopeful, you better also plan. Plan how you're going to organize and fight, and plan how your family will get what it needs if everything gets stripped away. Learn from those who have already been existing outside these systems. Plan how we will do that together.
Song blog (Mar 22)
Every time I get present with the moment - the real authoritarian moment - my brain pulls me back out into this state of just seeing whatever’s happening (whether it’s ignoring the rule of law or doing the laundry) in an observer way. Like we’re filming the beginning scenes of a movie about a country descending into authoritarian rule.
How could Daniel or I have imagined, 14 years ago, that one day Daniel and I would have a non-speaking, amazing, autistic kiddo.
And that we’d be in couple’s therapy discussing authoritarianism and our family?
(And I’ve shared about couples therapy before because we have such an amazing therapist who talks to us about everything from planning for child protective services, to how she locs her hair and tips on A-s hair, to unschooling, to the systems treatment of Black disabled kids, to Hope practices during authoritarianism, to safety planning).
Why Incremental Change F* You (Mar 22)
This (hand-wave to everything) is what "incremental change" towards inclusion looks like, btw. It looks like saying "In time, we will view your son as human. Just have patience. It's too hard to do it right now".
And then being outraged that your own kids are suddenly not being viewed as human.
Take me to church (Mar 26)
This Saturday Daniel and I are doing a "one day choir" together - where we sing a song, arranged in a choral arrangements, with a room full of other strangers.
I'm sure many of you can relate to this but Daniel and I rarely get quality time together. We're lucky we get a "date afternoon" on Sunday afternoons but it's just a couple of hours, near home, and at an awkward time - but that's what works for our schedule.
I love singing even though I'm horrible at it. It's my therapy. And this time the group happened to have a choir at a time that worked - Saturday afternoon, ending before A-'s bedtime - and our babysitter was free.
AND the song is Take Me To Church. One of my favorite songs - by Hozier. About the Russian's persecution of gay people.
I listened to it this week from another lens - the swift institutional persecution in the US of people it deems to be unhuman. (which is basically the same thing). And the song made me cry (again. But for new reasons. With anticipatory grief).
No Masters or Kings
When the Ritual begins
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin
In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene
Only then I am human
Only then I am clean
There is also a beautiful Allison Russell version of this song, and Allison Russell wrote the song that this blog is named after.
Calling bullshit on “2E” (Mar 26)
I want to call bullshit on "2E" as just a way of some people clinging to functional labels when it benefits them.
Now - I'm not an expert in this. Let me know if I'm thinking about this wrong.
It came up the other day when a blogger posted about why functioning labels are bad and it finally hit me why "2E" is bugging me so much. That blogger said they were ok with 2E though, just not functioning labels.
In a push against functioning labels, we're saying describe what someone needs specifically instead of just slapping a label on them. That that "high functioning" label ignores that someone has significant needs. That that "low functioning" label assumes that person is less-than. BUT we also, apparently, need a label just to indicate someone is very, very smart (but still autistic). That's the ONE TIME, apparently, that a label is important - to separate out the very, very smart autistics from the rest of them.
Now when I've pushed back, I've gotten a few responses that make no sense to me. Like I'm told that 2E isn't about being smart (everyone says that to me first), but that it's about having many neural connections. Well... isn't that literally all autistic people? So aren't ALL autistic people 2E then?
I'm told that "gifted" in this context isn't just about academics - it's about any giftedness like arts, sports, being kind, etc. Sooooo are we going to categorize all kids based on whether they excel in *something* and then we're labelling all those "average" autistics vs those "extra-average" autistics? And how do we know? And who decides? And average relative to what? And extra relative to what?
A label seems to usually be an indicator of a need someone has. Like to me (although I may be wrong about this one!), intellectually disabled is a way to indicate what someone may need to learn something new. So what does 2E indicate someone needs, besides the autistic part? Lots and lots and lots of facts? (Soo.... autistic...?). LESS time? I'm struggling to see any accommodation or need this label provides besides "I'm not like those other autistics. I'm the smart kind."
Without getting into an argument about whether gifted programs should even exist, and the racism behind the origins of them, let's say that they should and the need is that in school you should get extra curriculum or material, then following the logic of doing away with functioning labels, there shouldn't be a label for this but rather a description of what someone needs. "Hey I'm autistic, and I get overwhelmed by loud noises that are unexpected and I need to get MORE schoolwork than the average person otherwise I get bored."
The most logical thing I can think of is it originated as a way to segregate your kid in school in the good way (hence the Inderlying racism). While ID and autism are all shorthands for segregation as a disabled person. Folks with privilege didn’t want their autistic kids being segregated into dreaded disability classrooms and settings full of restraint, seclusion, lower expectations, and pushing the coffee cart, so they said “let me say my kid is 2E so they get put in amazing, well resourced, set this person up for max productivity in capitalism, classes.”
Besides this, 2E seems just like a convenient way for people to say "I don't believe in functioning labels because I do have a lot of needs. And also... I'm the smart kind of autistic, unlike those other ones, and just want to make sure you all know that immediately about me.”
Our plan to lean into bus videos as learning (Mar 26)
As we continue this difficult screen time parenting journey I wanted to share an idea we had.
We’re going to try to create our own YouTube videos where we narrative overlay over bus videos (which is all A- watches). Using Zoom, we’ll talk about what we see, use the pointer function to “show” things in the video, and ideally be able to count, show letters and words, and talk about how things work. Then we’d upload this new video to YouTube and see if A- is into them!
(For those of you who are newer I make no blanket statements on what any family should or shouldn’t do with screen time! It’s such a clumped term and everyone is different!)
Taking an abolitionist approach to inclusion... Any ideas? (Mar 27)
I'm in a large "progressive" FB group for parents. Every once in a while someone will post about their kid who's been injured by another kid at school. And sometimes they'll share that the "other kid" is autistic.
And many parents will basically respond about how they'd see red, that other kid has to be controlled, expelled, etc.
It struck me that segregation is a carceral approach to schooling. (Yes they SAY it's about meeting the needs of a student, but we all know that isn't true). And what's an abolitionist approach to schooling?
For all of you inclusionists, what approached are taken when one kid is injuring another? And I know there's lots of... CPS, find the source of the problem, etc, and that's all true but that takes time, especially for a kid who's non-speaking, so what happens in the meantime?
And how do we approach this as abolitionists?
A few good comments about restorative justice here on my FB blog here.
Watching your behavior to eliminate autism in your child (Mar 27)
A few weeks ago I read this blurb about Unmothering Autism by Patty Douglas (I haven't read the book), and I can't stop thinking about this sentence "and today’s 'warrior mother' who must watch her own behaviour to eliminate autism in her child."
I've never thought about it this way, but this nails it.
Although I can think of so many examples of this, it reminds me of a recent post by a parent wondering about all the therapies for her 2 year old kid, because her kid is so upset during them. She said she wanted her kid to be just a kid, but asked if this was just normal?
And while many of us said "no. no it's not", many other parents said yes, it's worth it. And you just have to deal with all the nights of your own crying (as a mother having to sit by while their kid is upset), because in a couple of decades it will be worth it.
The mother who has to watch her own behaviour - her behaviour around protecting her kid from trauma and letting her kid just be a kid - so she can eliminate the autism in her child.
It's heartbreaking for everyone.
What I’m reading and listening to
My organization MediaJustice has been doing an amazing, and important series called "WTF: The rise of the broligarchy" and they're all available on YouTube! I’ve seen 2 so far, and highly recommend. But make sure you’re watching them when you feel very grounded.
The Disability Cultural Center has a Care Work Under Fascism Part 2! Thursday, April 3, 2025 | 4:00 - 5:30 PT dcc.page/fascism-part-2
I’m finally reading the Future is Disabled, very slowly, and I’m just a few pages into the Intro and holy fuck. It’s both what I need, and what we need. I’ll definitely be blogging a lot about it.
My friend Kate Barrow put together this short one-page flyer of resources for resistance and resilience in authoritarianism that is everything she's been recommending to her therapy clients.
Remember when I said learning plain language translation is one way for you to be an activist..? Here’s your chance!
Full disclosure, I haven’t listened to this episode yet, but it’s high on my list and it’s probably really good. Movement Memos - Kelly Hayes interviews organizer Mariame Kaba (they both co-wrote Let This Radicalize you).
Interesting!
I have heard the term "2E" used to mean "a brain that is developing asynchronously". For example, a kid who has incredible memory for a specific period in history, and also can't remember to check both ways before walking into the street. It is supposed to be a cue to people who might see the person's exceptional strengths in one area, and assume that their brain is exceptionally developed in all areas.
But why couldn't we say "asynchronous development"? Or to your point, why couldn't you just say "this person needs support to cross the street safely"?
I wonder if it is similar to the aversion to saying disability? Could it be that it is so socially unacceptable to say "I have needs" that we need to make that part unspoken (but still implied by the term "2E")?