Inherent belonging.
When I think of the kind of learning environment we look for for A-, it's one in which they know that he belongs.
Not the one that gives him belonging. Or one that includes him. But one in which they know that he belongs.
He already inherently belongs.
That is a truth we already know. We look for spaces that also know that truth. Many places do not yet know that truth.
He belongs.
And we have found those spaces. We found it for preschool. We have found at least one place for Kindergarten (an unschooling collective).
It's different from "finding a place that accepts autistic kids". It's even different from "finding a place that meets A-'s needs", because we aren't yet sure if they do that. It’s starting from an attitude of knowing he inherently belongs.
And maybe that is at the heart of what I think of when I say "autistic-centering" or "disability centering". At its core, it is about spaces and people who already know that A- has inherent belonging in this very moment. Already.
Perhaps that has been our journey these past few years dismantling our own ableism. It has been embodying what it means to know that A- truly belongs. That everyone belongs. It's been approaching every private and public space from a deep knowing that A- already belongs there. And then finding those magical spaces like All Neurotypes and Wonderforest that never even batted an eye at knowing his belonging.
It's why I find it hard when parents tell me that the "so called inclusive schools always kick your kids out". Those aren't inclusive schools.
They never understood your kid's inherent belonging.
The other things - the accommodations, the inclusion, the physical environment, the communication differences, the teaching styles - those can all be layered on top if there is a fundamental understanding that A- truly belongs. And if it ends up some needs can't accommodated (e.g. no windows in the building!), it's ok because at the end of the day A- will feel how his inherent belonging was understood.
It's why I recommend "You Belong" by Sebene Selassie as the number one parenting book to read, even though it has nothing to do explicitly with parenting.
(And if you happen to need to hear this right now. You too inherently and truly belong wherever you are. Wherever you want to be. I promise.)