All we concluded is A- is beautiful.

Light versus survival

I was having lunch with a friend of mine recently. He’s a Black man, which is important for context. Because I asked him, straight up, if I was f-ing things up for A-.

I told him my theory. My theory is that A-, and so many Black disabled kids like him, can’t actually be forced into being typical or normal. In having his body and voice work in a way that will be perceived as non threatening. And so forcing 20-40 hours of traumatizing, normalization therapy a week for him to still be seen as a threat anyway seems useless at best.

He told me that A- is one of the most beautiful kids. That he has this light. And he loves that light so much. That he’s seen in his family and in other kids (especially Black kids) that they have this beautiful light in their eyes, and then one day they go to school and are forced to become something and the light goes away forever. And we’re keeping it for A-.

I don’t think we concluded anything - the light vs survival. I suppose because there is no conclusion other than shit has gotta change and it’s not changing.

All we concluded is A- is beautiful.

I saw this IG post today by kaishwana music - Black autistic deafblind musician - and I guess it summed up our parenting. https://www.instagram.com/kaishawna_music?igsh=MWg1dDlhY3RicWp5eA==

I’m trying to learn from the autistic adults and parents to non speaking autistic kids who have been there and who have things to share with us about what they wish they’d done differently. Like the woman I met in the airport who was with her son who just starting S2C and told me she wishes she had done things differently.

We’re trying to start with more than an acknowledgement, but fierce, fierce self love and psychological safety. We don’t know what the future holds but we know we can embrace the light today.